no, he came in my armpit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
