Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
