then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
