I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
