I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
