How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How's work?
Spinning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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