I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
His nipple licking is glorious
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