I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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