you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
