Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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