i love accidental penises.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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