Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
