I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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