There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
