If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am one with the molecules
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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