I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
