I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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