i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
