its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
