actually, I'm a sock model
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
