someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
