so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
