I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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