Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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