I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
