his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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