Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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