How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
