He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
