drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
