man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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