So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
