YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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