Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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