my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
