You're so nebulous sometimes
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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