I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i think im in europe. pls send help
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
