Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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