At least make sure they are 18
Why
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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