Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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