the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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