lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
