Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
