i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
