I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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