the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
