she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
