Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This toilet bowl is my home.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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