I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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