I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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