I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
