Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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