My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
