im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
