WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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