you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
