i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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