I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
