Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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