That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
