even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize