Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
