If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
