I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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