happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
