Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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