If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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