Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
