do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
