Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
