I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
