when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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