just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
