oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
