You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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