Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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