remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
