The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
