you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
