Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
