It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
BRING THE BAGELS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
