Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
