Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
