i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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