I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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